Nothing Sexier than a Zombie Munching on Intestines
         Wednesday, October 5th 2006

     It’s true. I’ve done it. Princess Jolene has moved to Hollywood. Formerly enjoying the beaches of San Diego, I decided to go city for a bit and be in the mix of all bad, nasty, scary, and gory things. My move will allow me to cover events such as the upcoming Universal Studios “Halloween Horror Nights” for my Flesh Farm friends.
     Since the Butcher is busy at the farm, the Princess has to cover the events in Hollywood. And I’ve definitely realized that this is the place for me, as Hollywood Blvd. is packed with zombies. Unfortunately, though, they aren’t tearing people’s intestines or brains out. And any blood on the road is probably from someone shooting someone else in the face because of the crazy ass fucking traffic around here.
     Lucky for me, this is exactly what I witnessed on the set of “Zombie School 101” at Universal Studios Hollywood (the intestine ripping, not the shooting). Press members were welcomed to a view a “crash course” in zombie mannerisms at the original Bates Motel. The supposed students were dressed in plain clothes while a director had them come up to demonstrate zombie walks, twitches, and noises to the crowd. In the middle of the demonstration, a loud groan was blasted through the speakers and a huge, pale, corpselike, bald man in black ran out. Zombies decked out in torn clothes, contact lenses, bloody mouths and hands, and deathly makeup accompanied him. The real treat began when the zombies tore the scalp off the director and the intestines out of one of the students and started to munch down. I wanted to shout out, “YES, TEAR THEM UP!”  But instead, I stood there with a huge smile on my face, snapping pictures. I was impressed with the creepiness of the demonstration. And it was 10AM! Imagine what it will be like during the actual production… in the dark.
     The Bates Motel, Bates House and the War of the Worlds set will be crawling with hundreds of zombies when, in the first time in the studio’s 90-year history, guests will be able to disembark from studio trams and walk among these sets on the Universal backlot during “Halloween Horror Nights.”  This backlot is part of horror history—where classics such as Frankenstein and Dracula were filmed. One of the most awesome things about this is while most sets are taken down after filming, the Psycho set has been up for 40 years. This leads me to believe it’s riddled with ghosts and bad spirits. Hurrah!

     The whole press experience made me sad that I missed the open call for actors. I would love to be a zombie. I can picture myself now…my hair wildly ratted, a torn dress, blood all over everything, stumbling around, grasping at the poor guests, making people piss their pants with fear. And actually, when I look back on it, I WAS a zombie during the whole press experience since my pilot light in my oven had been out for two days. I had been up all night--scared I would die in my sleep and trying to block out the noises of crazies on the street.
     Along with the delectable zombies, the production will feature multiple performances by trance music/performance artists, The Mutaylor. Universal Studios Hollywood’s favorite attractions will remain open for the nighttime experience, but many will feature menacing twists.
     Even Universal Studios Hollywood and Halloween Horror Nights Creative Director John Murdy acknowledged exactly what I was thinking; “It’s really weird out here at night.” How scary will it be to see child zombies tearing at corpses in the middle of the plane wreckage from War of the Worlds? Shit inducing, I hope!      This experience comes to life for seven nights over the course of three consecutive weekends: October 13-14, 20-21, 27-28 and 31 beginning nightly at 7:00PM. Advance tickets are available online at www.HalloweenHorrorNights.com and range in price from $34.00 to $39.00