A romantic gesture and a discussion with Ralis Kahn
       Monday, June 30th 2008

       The Princess of The Flesh Farm can be romantic.
       It’s true that I’m all about horror, pain, and suffering, but isn’t that what love is all about anyway?
       As a token of my love, affection, and devotion, I did something uniquely fantastic for the man in my life. When I met my boyfriend four years ago, he fell in love with my hands. The logical thing for me to do was to give him my hands to keep…forever.
       Special effects and makeup master, Ralis Kahn offered to help me with this oddly romantic task. I’d been trying to catch up with Ralis for over a year to talk about his work, so my mission was the perfect opportunity to chat with him a little bit about what he does for a living. He’s been doing makeup and special effects for 17 years and for 13 years it’s been a full time gig for him. What was his job before he chose his true career path? He worked at an animal research facility (he couldn’t share details and I really didn’t want to hear them). 
       The first time I heard about Ralis was at the Haunt X convention a couple of years ago when some guy asked me, “Hey aren’t you Ralis’ girlfriend?” I’d never even met or seen Ralis in my life at this point. When I finally met him months later I told him what had happened. His response was, “Well, you look like someone I might hire to pretend to be my girlfriend at one of those events.”
       On hand casting day, after brushing his hair and his teeth, Ralis gathered all the materials necessary to make my hands. Since I’d had my upper body cast for the Roadside Killer, I understood the process and knew what to expect.
       I can’t say I conducted the interview in a very organized fashion since I couldn’t write anything down half the time I was there. Plus, it was just fun to chat with Ralis in a not so formal fashion.
       He goes nonstop when he works. He’ll be up for days, not sleeping, while working on several different projects.  I asked him, stupidly, if he’d accomplished all the things he’s wanted to in his career. He looked at me like I was crazy and explained that he wants to write a book, do a web series, go on two world tours (with his death metal band Deadbyday), make a movie, work on a big creature film, work on an old school splatter film and work on a fantasy film. With his energy and drive, I’m sure he’ll accomplish all he wants.
       After Ralis drenched my hands in goo and bandaged them up, they were heavy and scary looking. I felt like I had huge tumors on my hands and slightly trapped in his massive workshop full of strange tools, heads, and other body parts. That feeling passed when I remembered how it felt to have my head in the same predicament.
       Around Halloween, he works on a haunted house in Bakersfield called, The Chamber. He starts work on that in July as the department head. He won best makeup for his work in 2006 from the Travel Channel. Which leads me to mention another one of his goals – starting his own haunted house.
       Personally, I’ve always gotten a bit of a thrill at the idea of “real” haunted houses.
       “I don’t believe in those,” Ralis said. “I’ve lived too long and seen too much.”
       When I asked him about some of the weirdest jobs he’s ever done he said, “All jobs are kinda weird.”
       Shaving an Argentinian dancer from head to toe for a movie called The Sphinx Riddle topped his list of oddest jobs. Also, working with Marilyn Manson, painting buffalo, and doing a scar on a dog were up there.
       “I’m making hands for your boyfriend so he can perversely stare at them,” he said, pointing out that even my task was strange. 
       However, he has done silicone replicas of a woman’s feet and also molded a woman’s ass and crotch.
       “I think she enjoyed it. She had sex with me before and after. I had to shave her first and that got things rolling,” he gladly shared.
       Does Ralis have a daily routine? Nothing about him is routine. All he could tell me was that he likes to wake up slowly and masturbate in the morning. I suppose that’s some kind of routine.
       “I’m very happy everyday I wake up,” he said. “How many people can say that?”
       And by that he meant because of his job, not the masturbation, you sickos.
       “I know way too many people who are miserable with their lives wishing they could be doing what they want to do.” In addition to film, television, and music videos, he works on photoshoots, teaches, and does a million other things.
       Most importantly, my hands came out nicely – Ralis mounted them on a piece of wood. They sort of look like antlers…